Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
