Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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