I cockslap morals
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My dick has a subreddit
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
