question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You did what with his pubic hair?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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