We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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