Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
