Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
