I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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