He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
