Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
