Non-Jews are for practice
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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