I am puke
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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