I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
