Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
