so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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