were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
