I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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