Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
