Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
there is glitter all over my balls
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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