I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my sisters under your porch take her home
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Shame - the story of my life.
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