return my video game
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
