Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
