I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
