Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
