I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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