Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
