We're like a lot better than the average bears
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
