Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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