already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
