and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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