bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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