Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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