oh god the rape fog is back!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
