he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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