She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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