My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I think I sprained my soul last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
