Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
