He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
