As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
