He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
