guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
