nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
