The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
