Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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