I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
