I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
