The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
