I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The air taste purple.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
