ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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