It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
