After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
