I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
