it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
