You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
