Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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