YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
