no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
