Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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