i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
