he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i think i just lost a toe
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
