I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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