Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
