i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
