so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
