I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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