Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
