burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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