He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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