i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
