haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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