Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
